Saturday, August 11, 2007

The Top 6 Worst Jessica Alba Movies

Jessica Alba in Sin CityLet's face it, guys. Jessica Alba is hot. In fact, she is so hot that if she made a move on you, some of you would even leave your wives or girlfriends just for one night with her. Hell, there are some women who would leave their husbands for a night with her. With a slew of new movies coming out, including Good Luck Chuck and The Love Guru, I'd like to take a look at her accomplishments... or lack thereof. While I truly believe that most actors who make it to the A-list do have talent whether we actually see it or not, it certainly seems like Ms. Alba is riding on her looks thus far, as her career choices suggest...

Here are her top six worst movies, with number one being the worst:

6. Sin City

How could Sin City end up being in a "Worst" list? Easy: when an actress has only starred in six or so films, even good movies end up on the list. Sin City is an awesome movie, with great visuals, acting and plot. Jessica Alba looks hot and pulls off her part well (and her clothes) - in fact, this is her best performance to date. And in reality, it was her sex appeal that pulled a lot of people into theaters, where they then witnessed a wonderful experience (by that I mean a good movie, not a more "personal" wonderful experience). There is nothing wrong with Sin City, and Sin City 2 is on the way (presumably).

5. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

I went into this movie with really low expectations and came out moderately enjoying this film. It is funny, has some good action, and Jessica Alba is in it. Still, the movie is a piece of crap, and had it been made with an appropriate script and director, it actually could have been something. Alba, despite a PG-rated nude scene where she flops naked onto a sidewalk in front of dozens of people, is definitely not the highlight of the film, and in fact she's quite bad. She's never been good in the Fantastic Four movies and probably never will be. Oh, and her blonde hair makes her look less hot. It is amazing what makeup artists can do!

4. Into the Blue

This action-adventure starring Paul Walker wasn't an especially good movie, but it made up for a dreadfully boring first hour and a half with a halfway decent conclusion full of all kinds of action and death. That being said, the movie almost succeeds on Jessica Alba's looks herself; after all, she spends the entire movie in a skimpy bikini and seems more like part of the beautiful scenery than anything else. And this film is also remarkable for the fact that it actually features a blink-and-you'll-miss-it boob shot of Ms. Alba as she's trying to escape a man underwater. Still, the movie is as shallow as the water she's swimming in.

Jessica Alba in Idle Hands3. Honey

I don't remember much about this hip-hop dance movie, other than that Jessica Alba stretches her body in all kinds of unnatural yet seductive ways. Still, the movie isn't all that great as it's been done a hundred times before. Once again, the film seems reliant on Alba's hotness to piece together the story, as otherwise there would be no noteworthy reason to ever watch it.

2. Idle Hands

Idle Hands, the odd horror-comedy, was the first movie I ever saw Jessica Alba in, and I must say that she was the one positive thing I remember from the film. The plot has something to do about a kid getting an evil hand, but he's also trying to get the hot girl next door, a very young but uber-hot Alba. The movie sucked and was a dreadful waste of time, but Alba was nice to look at.

1. Fantastic Four

The first Fantastic Four movie had a lot going for it: cool special effects, a cool superhero team and Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman. Unfortunately, Alba ended up being not-so-good and the movie overall was one of the worst comic book adaptations ever. Cheesy, ludicrous and boring from beginning to end, this was the most disappointing film starring Jessica Alba. Ever. How it spawned a sequel amazes me.

As you may have guessed, the reason for this article was simply so we could find some good Jessica Alba pictures to go along with it.


Rama's SCREEN said...

the movie 'HONEY' was pretty bad.
it sucks really bad.
but I think Rise of the Silver Surfer is slightly more entertaining than the first Fantastic Four film.
pluc, Jessica Alba kinda looks hot with a blonde hair

Anonymous said...

Anyone seen "Sleeping Dictionary". I love my girl Jessica, and hate to say this..but that is the WORST movie she has done. Yes..even when compared to Fantastic Four.

On a good note, she is barely wearing any clothes throughout the whole movie :)

Erik Samdahl said...

Not many clothes... I guess I'll have to watch The Sleeping Dictionary, though you are not the first to call it pretty bad.

Anonymous said...

I just have to say that all movies featuring Jessica Alba really suck!!! I mean she is pretty but man her movies really are horrible. This leads me to the decision that she is very horrible at acting and should stop making movies. I mean some of her movies make me feel sick and embarrassed for anyone who makes the mistake of viewing them.